Dear Aunty,
My mother had booked an around-the-world trip with her sister but the problem is, my mother is seriously unwell and really needs to stay in Perth and be treated. I have tried telling her that if she gets on the plane she risks not coming back alive. I have also tried saying that it isn’t fair to her sister to put her in a position where she might be stuck in a foreign country trying to get medical attention for my Mum or heaven forbid, be arranging to have her body sent home. We are not strangers to this scenario either because my late Dad’s sister flew to England to visit family and died in transit. We know how traumatic it can be for someone to have to fly home not with the person they left with but their body. I just don’t understand why my Mum would put herself at risk and also put her sister into a potentially terrible scenario, just so she can have one last major holiday. What can I do to talk sense into her?
Yours, Worried
Dear Worried,
It is unfortunate timing that middle-aged people often find themselves arguing with both their offspring and their elderly parents simultaneously about not doing stupid things and taking unnecessary risks. And of course, both teenage children and those in the 70-plus cohort, think they know best and cannot be told, cajoled or convinced otherwise.
At least teenagers can be somewhat excused due to the fact their brains are still developing. Elderly parents are just stubborn.
However, having said all that, Worried. One must admit that as One shuffles further along the old mortal coil, One has — to borrow a phrase commonly hurled over the back fence by One’s high school-aged neighbour — no more (rhymes with ducks) left to give.
It sounds as though your mother has also hit that stage. She probably realises all too well, the future is no longer looking rosy. It’s just looking blurry and short.
She probably thinks if not now, then it’s probably never.
She has possibly come to the decision that if she doesn’t have too long left then she’d prefer to go out doing something she enjoys and having fun, rather than sitting in a hospital bed wishing she’d done more, seen more, drank more, danced more and laughed more.
One understands your concerns and One thinks it is very likely they are grounded in reality and quite possibly they may come to fruition. But my dear, One is afraid to say, it is not your choice.
By all means talk to your mum and to her sister about your concerns. But if they seem unswayed and determined to go through with their trip, then you are going to have to respect their wishes. In which case, the best thing you can do is update your own passport just in case, take them to the airport, give them both a big kiss and cuddle and tell them you love them, then cross all your fingers that they both come back safe and well.
Because as terrible as it would be if your mum were to pass away on the trip, it would be even worse if she left while you were on bad terms and you missed your chance to say goodbye.
That’s a tragedy you might never get over.
